Birthing with Anxiety
I know anxiety pretty well. It is in my own brain. I thought it might be interesting to write about labor and anxiety because it’s something that so many of us experience. I also want to give a disclaimer that if you struggle with chronic anxiety or depression, or if those feelings are affecting your life to a large degree, I would really recommend looking into seeing a mental health professional. I also want to share that I feel like anxiety can really be a super power. My friends who struggle with anxiety are the most thoughtful, kind, and compassionate people I know. So know that to start.
Okay, so it’s normal to feel anxiety and fear about giving birth. Labor is something that is portrayed in media as an extremely painful and traumatic experience. There are so many horror stories, movies, and tv shows that show these screaming women and it’s no wonder that we’re scared of labor. It also CAN BE incredibly traumatic. So yeah, where do we go from there? I guess I just want to give some tips that I think are helpful for what you can do as an anxious person when preparing to give birth to a baby.
First, like I said above, feeling anxious and afraid is NORMAL. There is nothing wrong with you because you feel anxious, so try not to beat yourself up about it. Especially with the hormones heightening emotions you are bound to feel a lot of strong feelings. And that is okay and good. Also, you are not alone. So many others have gone through it. It helps to have a core group of trusted friends you can talk and vent to when things feel like too much.
Next, preparation is pretty key. Some people liken giving birth to running a marathon. You wouldn’t run a marathon without any training or preparation, right? I would encourage you to do some research and understand anatomy and physiology of childbirth, pros and cons of medical interventions, etc. and make some decisions beforehand using what you know about yourself about what would help you most during your labor. Thinking about these things ahead of time and making some decisions may take the pressure off when you are actually in labor. There are many online guides on how to craft a birth plan and a doula can also help you to figure out what you want and how to communicate that best. One thing an anxious-minded person might do is rush to take in every piece of information there is out there and think this is preparation. I want to caution you here. While I do think being informed is good, and doing your homework is part of preparation, there is such a thing as too much. If you are one who tends to catastrophize, know yourself and try to stay away from birth horror stories. I think knowing yourself is central in figuring out how to prepare.
Build a support team you trust and be honest with them. When you don’t completely trust yourself to know and do everything, it’s so helpful to surround yourself with people you do trust. Hire a doula (I know, I know, as a birth doula of course I’m gonna give this recommendation). Having continuous labor support drastically reduces your chance of having a traumatic birth experience. If you cannot afford a doula, look into volunteer doula organizations (here in LA there is the Joy in Birthing Foundation https://www.joyinbirthingfoundation.org/) or contact some doulas anyway and ask if they will be willing to offer a sliding scale for you. Have your partner get themselves educated about childbirth and talk about how to best support you during labor. Be honest with your support team (partner, doula, midwife, doctor, family, friends) about your feelings and your fears.
Know your triggers. This one helps a lot in day to day life, but definitely will also help you in labor when it is easy to feel emotionally overwhelmed. If you know that certain people, sounds, smells, or topics of conversation will cause you to feel instantly anxious, communicate those to your support team so they can be on the lookout for these things and act as a buffer for you.
Learn and train yourself to turn off your brain. The thing about birth is that it’s a natural process, like breathing or pooping. Your body knows how to do it without your logical input. This is tough since your thinking, analytical brain has helped you in so many places in your life. But here it will most likely get in the way. While pregnant, I would suggest you look into things that get you into your body and turn off your brain for a bit. Practices like breathwork, yoga, dancing, meditation, hypnotherapy are good examples. The more consistently you practice doing these things, the easier these coping strategies will come to you when you are in labor.
Release and Reset. During labor, things will probably get hard. When things get really tough, your logical brain might try to tell you the story that you can’t do this. The truth is that you absolutely can. Try to do something to reset your brain out of that thought loop. Some examples of this are communicating how you’re feeling, crying or screaming, laughing, stomping it out, shaking it out, making non-sensical noises, or changing your physical environment.
Radical acceptance. At the end of the day, you can’t control everything. There is an element of chaos even if you do everything right. I know this is probably not helpful to your anxious brain. But here is the reality: you have done the thinking and the worrying and the preparing, and now you can accept where you are even with some unknowns. You’re doing great. You have handled everything that life has handed you up to this point, and you will handle this. Take the pressure off yourself about worrying about what things will look like in the future and be where you are right now. I believe in you and deep down you believe in yourself too. You got this.